I told my dad he was my Hero. I have long thought the highest of my Dad, and have never told him. I was fighting back tears as I said it. I told him how much I admire him, and strive to be like him. How I talk about him to other people. And how I name him when asked who my hero is. He could not believe it. He always felt he was a terrible father. He said h worked all the time because he thought he had to, to do as well as everyone else. He said a lot of his success was luck, and being in the right place at one time. I did not have the energy to go into my "you make your own luck" theories, but maybe for a latter day. His moral code is so high, I think he was put into the right place in the right time kharmically so he could reap rewards that he deserved. His personal modesty would not allow him to strive for gain, so they almost had to be put upon him like they were.
It was a very emotional father / son moment. When a person faces their mortality, like I have, I think they learn they cannot delay. Had I died on the operating table (either time) I never would have said it. I am very glad I did. Joy noticed that my dad seemed to be very proud of me. I asked what for? And she could not put her finger on it, but I think she mentioned my inventiveness, my ability to make friends and real friends at that. I think my pure stubbornness and determination to live through all this impressed him as well. He admitted to her, and later to me, he is surprised I lived through early 2004. That I "Should not be alive" means, a weaker person would have died. I had been saying that all along.
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rant
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